I make my way through the passages and paths of the library, this fountain of knowledge, in order to meet with you—for you alone are source of true wisdom and understanding. You find me and you speak to me and you inspire me—no, You are my inspiration. I search, look, and seek as anxiety feels me and my knees begin to weaken; however, my mind and determination are led by a force beyond what the secondary sciences can fully comprehend and beyond what philosophy can discern through reason. Why is this? Because why should I listen to your voice? Why not ignore you and move along, pursue my dreams, my hopes, and my desires? Why bother to attempt to connect with all that you are?

And yet here I am—in the quiet place I find comfort and rest along with a great release of stress and anxiety: these are the children of pride and fear, false hopes and expectations. And yet here am I, chief of sinners, blasphemer, oppressor of the weak, wretched scum of the earth, lowest of the lowest and worthy of the worst place outside of the heavens. And yet here I am listening to you, you who wipe the tears from my eyes and lift my chin up to meet my eyes. Be my inspiration. Be my hope. Be the answer I do not know I am looking for. I curse the muses! Who inspires like Yahweh? I curse the daemons! Who is wise like the LORD? I curse the Fates? Who decides the destinies of both leaves and empires like God? Who can claim your eternal and unique attributes and not be discarded to the bottomless pit? No one can.

And yet I have done these things. And yet here I am, for there is mercy, grace, and love in the arms of the Savior King. Be my inspiration! Be my light! Let my speech be godly speech—let my words not be mine! Oh Holy Spirit, be this sinner’s comforter and this saint’s guide as I turn my eyes towards the beauty of the one God—Creator, Lord, Preserver, Healer, Warrior-King, Savior, Lover, Father. Allow my finite words to be worship to the infinite and eternal One.

“And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent.”John 17:3

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It must have been sometime after PT this morning, probably around the time I parked my car at the park&drive, that I felt Him reaching out to me. It wasn’t obvious at first but I definitely felt different. I don’t have any of those stories in which an actual voice speaks out from the Heavens and commands you to go to Uganda and fight guerrillas and save orphans. No. But I do get moments of complete peace and serenity, and to someone like me those moments are very rare–I will be the first to admit that I struggle with stress and anxiety.

But I did feel a difference and all throughout my classes I felt an urge to get up, walk out of the classroom, and run to some secret paradise where I could chat with God. Being myself, I didn’t bail out during class but immediately after I went to find Him. He had done His part: He found me. So now my job was to find Him at whichever place He wanted to meet me.

The crazy thing is that in my weakness, the enemy had caught on to what God was doing and chased me all the way to my secret place. However, the Lord God is a great and mighty God (unlike our enemy) and I was victorious, in God’s victory over whatever spirit thought it smart to hunt me down.

But yes, the beautiful thing about my relationship with God is that He gives me “heads up,” early in the morning, about meeting with me later in the day. I don’t believe that God is limited to specific moments in time to meet with us, but I believe He looks forward to the moments in which we disconnect from our pseudo-world we live and seek Him who first sought us. I get truly excited when I know God has found me because it is in moments like such that I am overwhelmed by the love of my Savior King.

A song doesn’t do it from me even though there are couple hymns and worship songs that come close. A sermon doesn’t cut it. But Scripture, through the Holy Spirit’s inspiration can be truly powerful. Especially when we dive into Scripture trying to find what God wants us to see and understand at that given instance.

God, the One and Only, is a great God. He is beautiful and compassionate–even in His wrath, judgment, and hatred of sin–but He has grace and mercy for those who love Him. That grace, mercy, wisdom, and understanding is for those who have been called in accordance with His most perfect will.

I am not much of a writer but I pray these words are worship to God and that He may continue to find me and lead to me His secret place. May all power, honor, and glory be the LORD’s forever and ever.


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