Save me, I’m lost
Oh Lord I’ve been waiting for you
I’ll pay any cost
To save me from being confused
Wait, I’m wrong
I can’t do better than this
I’ll pay any cost
Save me from being confused.  (Show me what I’m looking for
by Carolina Liar)

Confession.

For the Christian every day, every moment, every act of confession and redemption is a new beginning. We are still humans prone to error and mistakes called sin. Therefore, it is an essential aspect of our daily living the humbling act of confession.

For me this comes in the weirdest moments most of the time. I’ll be driving down the road and then see a homeless man asking for money, food, or just some sort of help. The Holy Spirit will move me to compassion and if I have something, or anything, I will give it to the homeless man (after all, only God can judge what they end up using for the blessings they receive). However, at the same time I will be move to recognize my own blessings in life and also my sin, the sins that we ignore and let the time go by without bringing them before the throne of the God King.

Unfortunately that was not the case in the last few months for me. The crazy thing is that even though I post about a lot of personal things in this blog, there are also a lot of things that I am still fighting and struggling with in life–there is constantly a struggle within me between the Holy Spirit and the attacks of life and world trying to demolish the throne of God in me. Nevertheless, there are periods of life in which I am blinded in one eye and I feel as if I go from day to day in defeat because my sins seem so overwhelming–the image of a homeless Elijah at the street corner is not enough to move me.

Unrepentant.

Lately this has been the case. I have been sinful, rebellious to the God King, I have cursed extensively, and I have lost a lot of my spiritual disciplines. Only God knows why He allows us to fall (maybe it is to show us a lesson or aspect of life). But in the end, the worst thing is knowing from day to day that you need to come before the Lord and confess all the evil within you, but you feel so ashamed of your sin that you are embarrassed to come before the throne of Christ in repentance–so you end up doing nothing about it.

In a way my rest from blogging was because of this. I felt too conflicted inside and too chaotic in my spirit to feel comfortable trying to edify others through writing. I have also felt as if physical life attempts to suffocate all my time and it seems as if I go from day to day trying to catch up (yes, even in the summer). Father God, save me from feeling and living like this. Show me what I am looking for!

I have sought counsel, advice, wisdom, the love of my brothers in the Kingdom of God. But it feels like, to an extent, our spiritual self (and in response our body) gets comfortable to the misery and abuse of life in rebellion. The day I realized I had accepted the brutality of an undisciplined and running-from-Jesus life was the day that I cried…forever.

I still don’t have it all together. I don’t think I ever will fully have it all together. It’s a fight and struggle but the truth is that every day, every day we have to acknowledge that in some way we are still broken inside–and we need redemption: again.

In the end, I can declare today that I feel the Holy Spirit in my life today. I pray tomorrow I feel His presence even more than today: I really do. One crazy thing of life in the arms of the Savior King is that when we trust our life unto Him, all other aspects of life become so much smaller compared to all that He is.

In Christ, life doesn’t get easier, but we realize how much smaller all other aspects of life really are compared to all He is and all He as to offer.

In Christ, be blessed.

“Waking up, waking up
In the dark
I can feel you in my sleep
In your arms I feel you breathe into me
Forever hold this heart that I will give to you
Forever I will live for you”

Awake and Alive by Skillet

Recommended Gospel-centered songs that I have been blessed by recently:

Let it Fade by Jeremy Camp

New Creation and Carried to the Table by Leeland

Healing Begins by Tenth Avenue North

Indelible Grace (all their music is great)

Revelation Song by Phillips, Craig & Dean

Lead me to the Cross and Saviour King by Hillsong Music

Awake and Alive by SKILLET

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